This blog is intended to help me deal with the issues I am facing with IF(infertility). I release a lot of stress while writing. My hope is that others dealing with IF or trying to get pregnant will be able to read this as well and be able to relate or heck, make you feel better about yourself and your issues. Warning: This blog may contain strong language that may be not suitable for children and easily offended people. With that being said read at your own risk:) You've been warned!

Monday, July 19, 2010

An intro of sorts

I have never blogged before. I have never held the interest of it andplus what would I blog about? We are very normal and boring people. But recently the hubs and myself have found ourselves struggling with something we never saw coming 13 months ago. Infertility. Infertility is defined as " the inability to achieve pregnancy through timed unprotected intercourse within one year". I don't feel infertility is an appropriate word to describe this, I would call it Hell. Living Hell would be more suitable.
We started the quest for a baby Mack all the way back in March of 2009 ( you can read about this on the right hand side of the page, I will not bore you with all the mundane details again.) But my want for a child started some 23 years ago. I loved dolls. I had more dolls that a girl EVER needed but my family kept supplying dolls to me through the years. I had every accessory for my dolls: a crib, a cradle, a REAL Graco doll stroller, diaper bag,etc. I would beg my mother to buy me the real doll diapers on our monthly trip to Wal-mart. I loved being a mother to my dolls. I also loved kittens. I would dress up the baby kitties and bottle feed them. I once tried to put them in the Graco Stroller and that was the death of the Graco stroller, it never looked the same again. But the one toy that really started my baby fever was my Baby Alive. I don't even remember her name. This is the doll with creepy big eyes and actually poops and pees everything you would put in its mouth which was motorized and would move when you touched it. I loved this doll! I feed and "watered" it all the time so I could change her diaper. After the first month, my mother said no more diapers! They were too expensive, so she gave me all the cloth diapers she used for my younger brother. I would rinse them in the bathroom sink and hang them out to dry. I loved the feeling of taking care of the doll. There was even an instance where I "pretended" to breastfeed the doll. This is where I believe where my perpetual BOTB began.
Before hubs and I were married, we agreed that we wouldn't have children right away, we would wait a couple of years before we started. Which we did, we waited 2 years and now I regret that decision we made. I wish we would have started right away, we may still have had the problems that we are facing right now, but we may already have figured out the issue and possibly have a spawn at this time. But I have made a resolution not to let the decisions that we made in the past cause regrets now. We can only go forward which is what we are going to do. We are just starting the IF testing journey. Hopefully we will get some answers soon. Okay, I am tired of writing and I am sure you are tired of reading my extremely long intro. I look forward to documenting my journey for myself and for my one follower (shout out to my bestie)at the time.

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