How to get through tomorrow

How the hell am I going to get through tomorrow? Oh, wait you will probably want a background of what is going to take place. I have had two coworkers who had babies within four days of each other. It was the fourth  child for one and the first for the other. I should preface this story with this as well, I consider both of them great friends. I am significantly closer to one than the other but they are wonderful people.  We are going to go see the first time mommy and by "we" I mean the fourth time mommy and myself. At first I was really excited about it but now thinking about the repercussions, I am really regretting my choice. I am going to be siting there without anything to add to the conversations. I just know it. Why oh why do I do this to myself.

I also had a grave realization today. I have been making baby gifts like crazy lately. There is a chance that I won't ever be able to make some for myself.

I know this post sucked balls but I am feeling crappy right now and nobody ever reads this anyway.

A new beginning

I don't even know if anyone is still following me but.. I have decided to give blogging another chance. I don't know where I left of so I will give a quick recap. We have not done anymore treatment since January. I have undergone many tests to rule out weak eggs, immature eggs and the like. Everything came back okie dokie. Our RE said that she is not worried about the Hubs swimmers counts. So we decided to try on our own for awhile. We have know come to the conclusion that it is not possible for us to get pregnant on our own and we need medical intervention. We are doing an unmedicated IUI this month. Which means no fake hormones being pumped into me. Which is awesome because I am unbearable to be around.

It has been a long and trying ( pun intended) couple of months. Many of my friends have gotten pregnant or have given birth. In 2 months alone, 3 of my closest friends have had babies. My bestie, Mrs. F is with child. Sigh... I still love A and am not upset at all, I am thrilled for you and J and E but I am uber jealz of you!

There must be an end in sight!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

That is exactly what I have to say about my blogging abilities. I know I start every post like this and one what begin to think that I would improve on my posting. I don't know how people keep these things up! Life is crazy as usual. I have no idea where I left off on my saga so I will just pick up where we are now. About a month ago I had an HSG (hystopinalgram) that showed a mass that took up my entire uterine cavity. So we are meeting with an RE on this Tuesday for a sonohistogram. Then we will go from there. That is basically it for babywise.
Training for the half.... oh dear God where do I begin. I want to state that I am almost in the best shape of my life right now. I am signing up for my final 10 sessions with my trainer tonight. I have lost a total of close to 15 pounds since November. Going for 20-25 by June. But running is actually getting on my nerves. I don't know even what to say about it.

P to the a to the thetic!

I am pathetic excuse for a blogger. I really don't have an excuse as to why I don't blog. I am really trying to blog. The last few weeks I have been in turmoil. WARNING this is a woe is me post.... I have witness 5 pregnancy announcements. My work BFF is pregnant with her fourth child. I am super excited for them because they are having their 4th girl! We are godparents to their 3rd child and love the girls so much. We treat them like our nieces since our little nephew is so far away from us. My ute still aches though, she brought her ultrasound pics to school on Friday. I couldn't even bring myself to look at them. Oh I supposed I should update you, our fourth IUI was a fat fucking fail. I nearly done with this crap. We will be doing one more cycle with this nurse practitioner complete with an HSG and one more IUI. The HSG will be brutal since I have a messed up cervix and possible tilted uterus. We will be moving to Reproductive Endocrinologist next cycle. Financial funds permitting because we bought a new car!!!
There is also something else weighing on my mind. This is non baby related but my really good friend of 10 years is getting married in July. She has not asked me to be part of her wedding. She has asked another girl who is not nearly as close as we were in college. It really bothers me for some unknown reason. Probably because last week she referred me as her "roommate" from college and not her friend. I got one phrase for this situation. Eat shit. Seriously. She was in my wedding and I have kept in contact with her since college. But whatever, I don't know if I will even go to her wedding. I am hurt. My feelings are hurt. I want to confront the bitch but at the same time I don't want to.
Well off to run on the treadmill. Need to run off some of this anger.

Resolutions are for losers

Okay, so I already broke my resolution of blogging two times a week. But at least it wasn't 60 days between posts. Well, we are starting treatment again. I started Femara 7.5 mg today and will take it through Friday. I guess the positive side of this is I won't have the shitty side affects of Clomid. I will go in next Wednesday for a monitoring check up. Good God, is there ever an end in sight! At least I can start focusing on my training for the half-marathon which I signed up for yesterday. As a treat here is a photo from last years race, I am the one in all black.

I'm baaack!

Finally, after a 2 month hiatus, I have decided to give blogging a second chance. Thanks Mrs. F, for talking me back into it. Let me catch you up on the last two hellish months. Our 3rd IUI was a giant fail. We went in with 3 mature eggs and 9 million sperm and nada, zip, zilch. We were both devastated and angry. Both of which really weighed on our marriage. So we made an executive decision to take a treatment break for financial and emotional reasons. Since then I have started working with a trainer at my gym. He is the bomb diggity and has helped me tremendously focus my energy in other areas of my life. For cycle 18 we decided to try a non-treatment cycle( notice how I didn't say "natural" cycle) which ended up being another fat fail. We are currently on cycle 19 and are completing another non-treatment cycle. We are very hopeful for this cycle so we don't have to re-enter the horrendous world of treatment again. I am also beginning to train for a half-marathon in May. I did one last year and loved every minute of it. I will be completing this on the day after we return from FLORIDA!!! We will be going to Florida for a family vacay for a week in April. Can't wait, literally, can't wait. I will begin blogging not only about our infertility battles but about my battles on the treadmill. The treadmill and I are not friends, we have a love hate relationship which stemmed from running close to 200 miles last year for training for the half. I have made a resolution to blog at least 2 times a week, so America, as in the words of the Terminator, I'll be back.....